Friend of the Opposite Sex. Yesterday I had the chance to read an old article I found on the mirror magazine. For a moment I had been thinking about the friendships/bonds, between men and women. Whenever or wherever it bounces up it has been such a hot topic, so fragile, and frequently spoken of.
As a matter of fact, it has been unarguable that people of the opposite sex obviously can discover common grounds. There have been many logical reasons to be good close, trustworthy buddies. But I guess with many movies, dramas, novels, & all other media, which has been shown male & female relationships always evolving into romantic, intimate bonds, many are convinced that a long-term, truly platonic friendship between individuals of the opposite sex, just isn’t possible without sex getting into their minds.
The spontaneous attraction;
The uncontrollable spontaneous physical attraction, Romantic interest, and sometimes even, the jealousy of significant others can definitely threaten to sabotage any cross-gender relationship.
Unless you are not attracted to your same-sex, you are bound to develop some physical likeness.
Yet it’s clear that at least one of the two has been feeling jealous when the other have friendships with other opposite-sex friends.
Men talk, or Girl shopping;
My closest friends are most definitely males. It’s a very well-known fact that no matter how close you would be with a friend from the opposite sex only a man can understand another man, and vise versa.
I think everybody will agree that no matter how understanding the two will be. There are obviously certain things that we can discuss only with our own kind
Its nothing like having a bear with a man to man discussion. Similarly, women & their shopping that can go for weeks can never be tolerated by men.
No matter what, there are things/issues which we cannot be discussed with the opposite sex. Which is why generally we have a phenomenon called men’s talk or women talk. This is why when we go to a party or a gathering, it’s clearly visible that all women have been getting together at one corner and men onto one table.
Suppressing your inner feelings;
But that does not mean at all that men and women can’t be good friends. That too without the prejudices we have about each other’s sex. But I must say that it’s not at all an easy task. That’s why many would say that it’s an uphill task. Which would last until you forcefully suppress your sexual feelings and the urge within you.
But the moment you are stressed out and bored, and feel that enough is enough,…. You both will feel that all the time you spent hiding & suppressing your inner need, is simply a waste of your precious time.
Sexual attraction to your opposite sex best friend is not a crime;
The relationship between the two will largely depend on the mutual understanding and the perceptions on the respect towards each other between the two people involved in the relationship. This will not groom in one day or one month, in fact, it will take years of friendship, trust, between the two to evolve into this platonic “Just friends” state. Obviously it has to have passed a state sometime in their friendship with even a moment of physical attraction towards each other.
Being attracted to the opposite sex is human nature and there’s nothing wrong with it. If it’s not, there has to be some issue with the individual’s perceptions. In other words, gay or lesbian.
In most of these kinds of relationships eventually, the two have to have that moment of sparking physical attraction. Or at least one person of the two finally says that he or she has been having feelings towards the other. Then they would convey their feelings towards the other. At this stage many steps towards the next step of having a sexual relationship.
Moving to the next step;
In some cases, this has been the sad end of the entire relationship. But most of the time these types of relationships have been leading to a romantic affair and eventually ended in a marriage.
But in some cases, these kinds of relationships might evolve into a state where both will have a more understanding. Deeply attached caring friendship will evolve while having a sexual relationship as well. These relationship types has been generally categorized as “friends with benefits”.
This level of understanding is deep and highly platonic. Both will have no secrets at all. And will have a closed, secretive side of their lives which nobody else will know about. Both will have no boundaries and will have nothing that they will not be sharing.
Platonic level of Friendship without sex;
But, this platonic opposite-sex friendship which I am talking about in this article is between straight people. Who would never ever have sex with each other, but will be everlasting such closely attached friends.
This could happen even when one partner is attracted but the other partner is not sexually attracted.
To come to that equilibrium state, the two individuals have to have solved this most paradoxical case of sex or physical attraction towards each other. With time they would then Invariably come to a state of mutual understanding and trust between the two. This will take years to happen, which is quite difficult to fathom either.
And at that state of “Just Friends,” the two individuals will have a mutual understanding of the boundaries of their friendship. This may be very rare because in most instances the person who has sexual feelings will try to convey his feelings from time to time. Unless this individual who is attracted to the other learns to respect the other who is not sexually attracted, this friendship will have no future.
Settle with what you’ve got. Or both are bound to be departed eventually;
Because eventually, it will be too late when you know that the person who is not sexually attracted will feel frustrated with the continuous proposals from the other. And thus both have to be open towards each other. Which comes with the trust and most importantly, respect towards each other. The attracted partner should make up his/her mind and control & stop the way he/she has been thinking about the other.
I have been having several good female friends out of which one is one of my best friends. I can discuss almost anything that springs up with her. This certain friend has remained a good trusted friend through hard and controversial times in my life. Whenever I needed a shoulder to cry upon.
But why it has to be so?
This kind of opposite-sex friendships is thus not impossible to occur.
But when you discuss this issue we all are fabled with the simple question which springs up inevitably?.
If you two are so close, so trustworthy, so understanding, why the heck don’t you two marry each other,.? I mean, who the hell is gonna stop you, !!! And apparently, the married life between such good friends will definitely be rocking success. But there has to be some good reason between you two not to get together and get involved with another person to marry.
The riddle of friendship between the sexes has not been an easy one to solve. I don’t think my analysis has left me much wiser than I was, rather, it has left me & you even more confused now on the topic.
But one thing is clear, as long as we respect the inherent differences in each of us any kind of mutually fulfilling friendship is bound to nurture in our lives. Because at the end of the day, nothing can compare with having a good friend around to share a drink with. Or go to a movie, listen to your problems even if they are too trivial to be talked about, put up with your eccentricities and just be there for you, at the time you most need a friend to share your emotions, it really doesn’t matter whether that special friend is male or female.
